The day I had dreaded since having Aria finally arrived. My last day of maternity leave. I took a total of 11 weeks off, and boy did it go by fast! There was nothing I enjoyed more than caring for our girl everyday. We had a routine, a nice clean house, and yummy home cooked meals every night. Laundry was done, naps were had and errands were ran. I knew the moment I went back to work all those things would be a sweet memory.
My first day back was Monday, March 7. Basically my schedule is as follows: 10 hours on Monday, Tuesday and Friday with rotating Thursdays and Saturdays. So one week I'll work half a day Thursday and the alternate week I work Saturday. While I am working my cousin and Tony's mom watches Aria. My mom and Tony also pitch in on my alternating days.
I was super prepared going into the week. I had pumped enough fresh milk for the first day, and have been able to supply enough each day that follows by pumping at work. I had her diaper bag packed, lunches for us ready, instructions written down, the house was freshly cleaned and laundry was washed and put away. I woke up at 5:00 a.m. Monday morning nursed Aria and put her back to sleep while I got ready. Tony leaves for work around 6:00 a.m. and I drop Aria off at 8:30. She nursed again at 8:00 then we were off! Dropping her off wasn't bad because I knew she was in good hands and would have fun with her cousins. Once I was alone though I couldn't help but feel so sad! It was literally the first full day I'd be without her and 10.5 hours felt like a lifetime away.
The work day was pretty normal. Nothing exciting. I was happy to see and talk to all my coworkers, and I received lots of pictures of my girl :) The 10 hours went by and soon I was on my way home! Getting home Aria was hysterical the couple hours Tony had her. She didn't nap well and ate a lot less than I anticipated. I immediately nursed her and she seemed to calm down a bit before falling asleep for the night. After she went to bed I just sat in the living room and cried. Two hours had passed between the time I got home and the time she went to bed. In those two hours my daughter mostly cried as I scrambled to feed her, feed myself, clean up and get everything ready to repeat the next day. I felt overwhelmed. I was just so upset that my short time with her was spent not truly getting to savor it. Besides not getting enough quality time with Aria, I felt like Tony & I were just ships passing by one another. It was awful, so I cried.
The rest of the week slowly got better until the weekend hit. I had to work Friday and Saturday so I only had one day off before another two 10 hour days. I'd decided that I should "meal prep" to make those weekday dinners a little easier on us. So again, I spent my one day off running around doing 4 loads of laundry, cooking three meals, washing dishes, and cleaning up the house all while trying to spend as much time with my daughter as possible. So I cried once more. Is this the life of a working mom? If so I quit (my job, not motherhood of course)!
Now I am in the second week of work, and though it is still hard emotionally to not be with Aria as much, it is getting better. She is also improving, eating a little more each day that she's away. She is still not napping much though, so any tips on that would be great! I know it will take a lot longer than 1.5 weeks for all of us to adjust, but we are slowly figuring out our new normal. When I get overwhelmed about keeping up with the house and it decreasing my time with her, I remember these words of wisdom: In life we have glass balls and rubber balls. The glass balls we hold on to closely while the rubber balls can be dropped and bounced back later. We must prioritize our lives in this way. For me, my glass ball is time spent with my family. Everything else can be let go for a later time. Now, I'm not saying I'm going to start living in filth and never clean my house, but I am definitely going to learn not to be so OCD about cleaning every little corner. It's all about balance, and sometimes I forget that.
Ultimately, I do plan to eventually cut back to three then maybe two days a week down the road. Until then I am going to keep doing my best and cherishing the moments I do have with Aria and Tony. I think as women, we strive to be everything to everyone, and be perfect. I struggle with this constantly. I cant be a perfect chef, wife, mother, housecleaner and employee though, so I need to only choose a couple things to excel at, and just be normal at the rest (obviously my top two are being Tony's wife and Ari's mommy ;))
If you have any tips/advice on balancing work and home life, I'd love to hear them!
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